Confessions
by Pooki Ze Great
Summary: M/P Slash "Frodo, still bruised by Merry’s outburst, smiled at me and walked over, giving me a hug and a lingering kiss on the cheek, Sam doing the same. Me and Sam, we had always sort of stuck together through Frodo’s... "moods."" –Rosie Cotton, Ja
1. INTRODUCTION

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Summary: A story told through many viewpoints, chornicled in journal entries through 3 months' time. M/P slash, and not a happy ending (as if I'D write a happy ending...)  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, ie guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid..  
  
Archiving: Um. I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: None of my bullshit is true. I just had to do this intro so that I could make the hobbits do crueler things than they normally would. So yeah, Tolkien owns it, and this shit only happens in my sick daydreams.  
  
Rating: It's quite tame right now, but it'll go up. Ohhhhh yes it will go verrry far up.. *evil grin*  
  
Chapter: Introduction/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Here it is kids, a brand new gay incest hobbit porn supplied by yours truly. Enjoy.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Some people are under the impression that hobbits are for the most part good, and pure of heart.  
  
I am here to inform you of the utter untruth of this.  
  
Sure, perhaps in some other universe there was a war of the ring and all of that, but here, in our past, it is quite a different story.  
  
This is a demonstration of how hobbits really were.  
  
These writings were collected and put together by one Frodo Baggins of Bag End. This story will be told from many viewpoints and opinions, as would any other matter taken to court.  
  
-AKA, March 8th 2oo3  
  
**************************  
  
I am here to tell you mainly about two certain hobbits, one Meriadoc Brandybuck, and one Peregrin Took.  
  
To start with the one who is the cause of so much that went wrong in this story of ours seems appropriate, so here's a small bit about Meriadoc, or Merry as some "friends" called him.  
  
Meriadoc Brandybuck was born to Saradoc and Esmerelda Brandybuck on May 2nd 1382. He was a rather spoilt child as far as material things go, and he soon grew to be an irresponsible, spoilt, cruel tween.  
  
His father took no notice of him, buried in the bottle and the arduous task of keeping up 16 affairs at once, while his mother took all too much notice of him, yelling at him if he did even the slightest thing wrong, and beating him regularly. But no one ever suspected a thing.  
  
The less-respected doings of well-to-do families are rarely discovered, and when they are silence can easily be bought.  
  
He eventually married Estella Bolger, a lovely creature who he knocked up, and her mouth would not be shut with his money, forcing him to do "the honorable thing."  
  
Yes, Meriadoc was indeed spoilt materialistically, and not many lasses or lads made an effort to unspoil him as it be, yes our Merry was indeed a handsome lad. But Peregrin was about to challenge Merry's need to get all that he wanted.  
  
Let's talk about Pippin, as those who took the time to get to know him well called him. 8 years Merry's junior, Pippin's parents were quite a different story, though perhaps in the end very much the same.  
  
Paladin and Eglantine they were, and after giving birth to Pippin, they abandoned him at a poor farmer's doorstep, leaving the Shire never to be seen again. He grew up to be wonderfully cheery and perky at first glance, but at night he wept himself to sleep almost always, mourning the loss of a family he never knew.  
  
When Pippin was only 16, the farmer which had cared for him all his short life died, leaving him to fare for himself.  
  
He could not find work anywhere, until one night in a pub Pip looked for jobs at, a man with a sharp eye caught sight of him. He offered the young Took a job high in pay, but also in shame.  
  
He refused at first, but the constant hunger pains he faced daily now forced him to agree, and soon Pippin was pleasuring men and women all over the Shire.  
  
But after a few years he tired of this, and longed for an honest way to live on.  
  
He found out from a peasant like himself, Samwise Gamgee, who often gardened at Bag End, that Frodo Baggins' cousin Merry had been looking for a new servant. Pip had heard vague rumours about Mr. Meriadoc and his horrible temper, and perhaps had he heard more he would have never thought twice about it. But as it was, he was desperate and naïve - so terribly naïve - that he decided to try and get it.  
  
-MB, March 25th, 1419  
  
*************  
  
And it is on the day he first stood at Meriadoc's doorstep, willing himself to knock, at roughly the same time 'The Quest of The Ring' began, that we begin our tale.  
  
-AKA, March 8th 2oo3 


	2. Hurt Before

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Summary: A story told through many viewpoints, chronicled in journal entries through 3 months' time. M/P slash, and not a happy ending (as if I'D write a happy ending...)  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, i.e. guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid..  
  
Archiving: Um. I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: I own the following things: two guitars, the copyrights to all my songs, and my band's sites and names and emails. I do NOT own the following things: a fast internet connection, a DVD player, and, oh yeah, Lord Of The Rings. That's Tolkien's... but I'VE GOT MY RICE CRISPIES!!! BEAT THAT, OWNER AND CREATOR OF THE BEST BOOKS EVER!!! *whimpers* *clutches her Rice Crispies to her chest, looking around wildly* *looks at her TV (watching FotR), starts to cry*  
  
Rating: It's quite tame right now, but it'll go up. Ohhhhh yes it will go verrry far up.. *evil grin*  
  
Chapter: 1/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Well for this chapter's quote, and for all the quotes basically, it is I, not the character from whose viewpoint the chapter is, that puts it there. Anyways, for this quote specifically, it was originally from a Corrs song, but I'm changing it around a bit so that you know which part of the quote is referring to whom (M=Merry, P=Pippin, obviously), and I've changed it all from "she" to "he." So in its original form, all the "he"s are "she"s, and it has no separation, okay? Alrighty.  
  
A/N2: Thank you for already some lovely reviews, and THANK YOU Emma, because I had not thought of using torture before you suggested it, and now I have an absolutely delicious chapter in my head (a bit of a sick person, oh well), and well basically, to clear any doubts, Merry will be causing most of the pain in it, but he hates himself for it, showing that he is in fact, good underneath it all, though to the end he will not believe it. It's basically going to be very very mushy, in an angsty, cruel, tragic, I Hate You way... Anyways you'll find out as we go on, I really do intend to make this over at least three months' time... hope I can come up with enough chapters for it... So yep, that's the basics, and as a sidenote, Frodo is also quite cruel at the beginning, and Pippin definitely has his mean side... Making the hobbits, I guess, a bit more like our society is today.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"*P* At night, he's alone, he's dreaming of somebody new. His someone for to hold, he's prayin the dream will come true. Show me the way, show me show me how. Help me be brave- for love. Show me the way, show me tell me how. What do you say? *M* There's a pain in his heart, he's tryin so hard to unwind. Makes him cry in midnight, when visions so real make him blind. Wants to break through the fear, erasing the scars from within." -The Corrs, 'Hurt Before'  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I believe that something has started this New Years.  
  
Earlier today, I was cleaning up after the last of Mr. Merry's guests, who has just staggered out of the house not 5 hours ago, even though the party had ended 4 days earlier.  
  
I was cleaning the door's window when through the stained glass I saw a figure cautiously unlock the gate and sheepishly step onto the pathway leading up to the door.  
  
He instantly intrigued me. Slight of figure and quick of step, he did a dance before my very eyes, creeping a few steps forward, then dashing back to the gate, repeating this over and over until he finally stood at the door and knocked. I was ready for him. Remembering not to smile widely or show I had watched him, I opened the door.  
  
He is young, but not too much younger than Mr. Merry. In his late tweens, I'd guess. He has bright green eyes and a clear polite face. He had a childish air to him, but not that of a happy child: more so one beaten and bruised, broken and corrupted by the cruel world us poorer folk knew so well. I decided to be kind.  
  
"Exactly how can I assist you young sir," said I, watching this fragile and jumpy, yet somehow cheerful boy with wonder.  
  
"Um, I had heard... That is... Perhaps... Are you looking for anyone to work here?"  
  
I was shocked. This poor thing? Working for a tyrant like Mr. Merry? He would surely crack. But he was very thin and wasted-looking, so against my better judgement I showed him in.  
  
I knew there would be trouble.  
  
-RC, Jan 5th 1419 


	3. Pippin's POV and a message to flamers

A long A/N, but please read, and feel free to kill incommunicado.  
  
A/N:Okay, we all get flames, and normally I ignore them, but today I received a particularly offensive, not to mention useless flame on my previous story, Say. Other than this and one other I have received solely good reviews, and very many of them at that, but this one flame managed to ruin the effect of three other lovely reviews. I am going to copy it and put down exactly what I think of the person who wrote this.  
  
"Pooki Ze Great, The following review has been submitted to: SAY Chapter: 8 From: incommunicado () Well, I don't often feel the need to review, but sometimes I come across some very well written stories, and then there are stories like yours. Frankly, I know what AU means. I also know what Slash means, and I'm perfectly well aware of the fact that I don't have to read those stories, if I don't like it" --SO WHY DO YOU????  
  
".rnBut that's not the point - see, I believe it makes no sense to write a story about a couple of people acting in a horrible illogical and senseless way and then give them names of your favourite characters (at least I think they are your favourite characters even if you do your best/worst to dissamble them)." --Well perhaps you've never been in love, or moreso no one has ever loved you, and I can definitely see why.  
  
"rnThose characters in your story have nothing in common with the lovely Merry and Pippin Tolkien created. I believe fanfiction is a kind of worship, and so the characters we all love should be recognized, and not just by their name but by their actions.rnThere are few stories (fortunately) in which the characters act in such a not authentic way. I mean, could someone ever imagine a man who marries the woman which stabbed his lover?" -- People can do things which they normally wouldn't when they have been permanantly scarred by something. I'm assuming you've had an easy life, seeing as you don't interact with other people besides leaving flames. Fun life, do you live in your mother's basement??  
  
"Why should he do something like that? There's more, but I think I don't have to point out everything.rnWhat I'm trying to say: Don't write stories like this anymore and call them fanfiction. I don't think a true Tolkien- fan wants to read bad stories with even worse characterization. Or maybe I'm the only one who isn't entertained by senseless hobbit-tortures - but you asked for reviews, and so I'm giving you one, whether you like it or not." -- I have opinions too, like I think that fan fics which stick strictly to the way the books were written are boring as hell... I am using my own damned identity, and I strongly believe in what I write that it could exist, even if it isn't the way one person saw it, I am not Tolkien. I am me, and this is MY WRITING! Just like I write my own songs. I do not want to be anyone other than me, and I LIKE the things I write. I do not understand why assholes like you bother to read fics which you hate anyways, just so that you can try and tear a person's self-esteem to shreds. I do not read fics which don't interest me, and I most definitely do not read fics which I know I would not like. Mainly because I have a life, and better things to do. So please sir/ma'am, move the hell out of your parents' basement and go talk to real people again. The sunlight will burn your eyes for the first few days, but you can always go play in traffic if the world bothers you this much, because you deserve nothing better than a semi flattening your rude ass.  
  
That is all.  
"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: A story told through many viewpoints, chronicled in journal entries through 3 months' time. M/P slash, and not a happy ending (as if I'D write a happy ending...)  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, i.e. guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid..  
  
Archiving: Um. I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. Maybe if I did I'd have another phone line so that I could hook up... *pout*  
  
Rating: It's quite tame right now, but it'll go up. Ohhhhh yes it will go verrry far up.. *evil grin*  
  
Chapter: 2/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"*P* I've come to grips confronting my reality. Numbstruck it's me against the world now. For all you know, for all you know it's not for real. ... I'll fall into you, but don't believe that this is real." -Sum 41, 'Hooch'  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
... it was unnerving to say the least.  
  
To that moment the most impressive place I had been in was perhaps some of the more expensive pubs where the upper class would take their "dates" as they called us; and here I was: standing in the hall of a palace of a hobbithole, with stained glass behind me and countless ornate and disgustingly expensive whatnots surrounding me.  
  
I was terrified.  
  
The woman, who I suppose was the maid, or moreso one of the maids, came back from the hallway she had disappeared into.  
  
"Mr. Merry will be down to see you shortly," she said, taking my hand and leading me into the kitchen, where she bid I sat on a short wooden stool and drink some water.  
  
The kitchen was woody and golden, with a pleasant clean smell to it, and light green sheer curtains covering the windows but still letting some warm light fill the room.  
  
I sat there for what felt like half an hour, but was most likely 5 minutes, until the woman returned with two male hobbits behind her.  
  
The first had a yellow vest on, and had dark golden hair with greyish blue eyes, while the second, smaller and (dare I say) more effeminate than the other, had dark hair and bright blue eyes, and was wearing naught but a deep maroon robe of elvet, silk, and other things I had only touched "on the job."  
  
I looked down at my faded attire, mere rags really, and blushed, wondering how I must have looked in compraison with them.  
  
They both seemed to be giving me slightly "off" looks, not very unlike those who have purchased me in the past. I was embarrassed and yet pleased, and now I wonder if I blushed deeper or not, though I suppose it didn't matter.  
  
The grey eyed-one spoke, shattering an delusions I had that they would be as courteous as the maid.  
  
"In what way could a worthless beggar like you assist me?"  
  
I was shocked, yet not so shocked as to forget to reply.  
  
"I can cook, clean, make a bed and erase the trail of trash you rich fools leave behind you, just as any other lesser idiot could, sir."  
  
The dark slight one glared down at me, contemptuously and disapprovingly as I expected both to, but for some reason a change came in the expression of the one who had spoken to me so rudely.  
  
Suddenly he had a look on his face as that of a child who has just found a flock of birds to chase off. One who has discovered a fun little game, the nature of his which I could easily guess.  
  
But I will not play.  
  
He is cruel and rude and mean and I do not like him, handsome though he may be.  
  
I will NOT play.  
  
-PT, January 5th, 1419 


	4. Unfaithful Merry's POV

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: M/P Slash "Suddenly (Merry) had a look on his face as that of a child who has just found a flock of birds to chase off. One who has discovered a fun little game, the nature of his which I could easily guess."  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, i.e. guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid...  
  
Archiving: Um... I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. Otherwise, I would be able to buy not only the Ozzy Osbourne AND Treble Charger tickets, but I could also buy those Everclear CDs, instead of Stressing about the fact that I'm gonna miss either a legendary man in concert, or go to that and miss a concert I've been waiting for for over a year. *cries*  
  
Rating: It's quite tame right now, but it'll go up. Ohhhhh yes it will go verrry far up... *evil grin*  
  
Chapter: 3/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Thank you SO MUCH to Emma for the idea of a new summary, and of course for all the wonderful ideas she puts into my evil little mind on a regular basis. *grins* Thank you also to the nice people who review my stories and make me feel like a special little girl.  
  
A/N2: I know that this chapter's quote is quite modernized, but I think that if you apply it to Merry's life, and just give it a second's thought, it makes sense.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"*M*Got a job got a life. Got a four-door, and a faithless wife. Got those nice copper pipes. Got an ex, got a room for the night. Aren't you such a catch? What a prize! Got a body like a battleaxe. Love that perfect frown, honest eyes, we oughta buy you a cadillac!" -OKGo, 'Get Over It'  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I've found a new toy.  
  
Frodo and I has been doing what we always do Sunday mornings, and every other morning, and most nights as a matter of fact... and suddenly the Cotton girl came in, without knocking or anything or the sort.  
  
She blushed at the sight of me on my knees before Frodo, and he didn't even seem to notice she had came in, reasonable cause for me to fall over in laughter.  
  
She said some boy in his late tweens had come to seek employment here and asked if I was available.  
  
Now, leaving Frodo, right in the middle of it would be quite cruel... but really that's the point.  
  
So I dressed as Frodo (as always) complained before giving in and putting on his robe.  
  
I walked into the kitchen, expecting to see something like that tackily sweet Gamgee boy Frodo keeps toying with, but instead beheld a slim, jumpy- looking boy, slightly like a lass I suppose, in the sense of his bright green eyes, shaped perfectly and lined by his eyelashes, not much longer than most lads', but just enough to make an impression. His hair was all in his face, and his lips were parted with surprise and wet with the water he drank, painting a rather nice picture.  
  
But he looked a broken soul from the start.  
  
He had all the telltale signs: a little too thin, jumpy, sorrow and used look deep inside his expression, too pretty to be any fun, surely.  
  
I spoke to him as I felt he deserved, expecting either no reaction or even less admirable: tears. Mother always told me from the start how any male is supposed to have emotion... something's wrong with the criers.  
  
But instead he fought back.  
  
Perhaps not so broken?  
  
As I watched him insult me, I became disturbingly aroused. His eyes burned with the rage of one fighting for his life, and it gave me quite a more pleasant burning inside of me.  
  
One with a fire inside.  
  
He watched me, eyes fixed on mine, and I knew then that he would be mine. And he will.  
  
I informed him he'll be starting tomorrow: how I love to break things.  
  
I believe Frodo was aware that afterwards, when he was crying out my name that I was thinking of someone else entirely, but I don't think he cares. Silly fool has fallen in love with me. A perfect example of one of those "lads" who show their cursed emotions.  
  
Oh well, I have him and that disgusting creature I call a wife to "satisfy" me until I can get the boy into my bed.  
  
Come to think of it, I don't remember his name.  
  
Oh well.  
  
-MB, January 5th 1419 


	5. Bad Merry, Dazed Pippin

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: M/P Slash "I knew it.  
  
I knew he'd pull something.  
  
Right on the first day too, the blasted sod.  
  
I knew he'd try to do this.  
  
-PT, January 6th 1419"  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, i.e. guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid...  
  
Archiving: Um... I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: If it's in here I don't own it.  
  
Rating: PG 13?  
  
Chapter: 4/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Once again, thank you all for the lovely reviews, and of course special thanks to the people who decide to feed my twisted little mind with horribly "wrong" images. *coughEMMAcoughROZcough* As for the quotes of the chappy, well, seeing how when we are first infatuated with someone, we tend to have a wide array of emotions, here's a large amount of quotes to go along with Pip's wonderfully (in a bad way) conscious, and Merry's deliciously unconscious feelings for each other.  
  
****  
  
"*P* I want you to want me and I know that you can't see me. But maybe one day you'll belong to me. And I don't want to see you if you're telling lies to me. But maybe one day you'll belong to me. You don't even know my name, and you never will, cos that's the way it always goes now... ... I wish I had the chance to really get to know you, and I hope you get my way." -Not By Choice, 'Maybe One Day'  
  
****  
  
"*M* You take my breath away with all the things you say... ... You try to change the world, and you never see it's all a game to me." -Not By Choice, 'Standing All Alone'  
  
****  
  
"*P* I know that it's wrong, but I'm to blind and I can't see. Now that you're gone, I can't help feeling all alone. I know that it's wrong, I sit and wait by the telephone. I'm waiting for you to call." -Not By Choice, 'Miss You'  
  
****  
  
"*M&P* I don't know what it is that makes me love you more and more and more... must be your face." -Not By Choice, 'This Old Place'  
  
****  
  
I knew it.  
  
I knew he'd pull something.  
  
Right on the first day too, the blasted sod.  
  
I knew he'd try to do this.  
  
-PT, January 6th 1419  
  
****  
  
Seeing as how when the mind is experiencing certain emotions it tends to run things together, making an altogether unpleasant reading experience, I think I shall narrate this chapter, for your reading (and perhaps in later days viewing *raises eyebrow*) pleasure.  
  
-AKA March 16th 2oo3  
  
Pippin looked around as he walked through the halls looking for the dark green door the maid had told him to go to.  
  
He wandered through the dark mahogany passages until he finally found himself standing outside said door and knocked.  
  
"Come in," said a voice coated in sinful leisure from inside.  
  
Pippin did as he was told, opening the door and slowly stepping into a large room with heavy drapes over the windows, letting Pippin only see the vaguest of outlines.  
  
"Close the door."  
  
Once again pippin obeyed, unsure of what Merry had planned for him.  
  
The dark figure laying underneath the covers of the gigantic four-poster bed stretched luxuriously, holding the extended position for a good five seconds before relaxing again.  
  
"Do be a dear," said shadow-Merry, "and open the drapes will you?"  
  
Pippin crossed the room and pulled the thick golden cords, moving the deep red velvet curtains to the sides and letting early morning's light fill the room till Pippin felt that he was drowning in it.  
  
He turned around just in time to see Merry throw off the covers and stand beside his bed, wonderfully unclothed and comfortable as any average hobbit would be when dressed.  
  
He gestured at an outfit layed out on the bed.  
  
"Now you will dress me," he commanded.  
  
Pippin thought briefly of arguing, but decided against it, telling himself that he would most certainly be unemployed quickly if he didn't, although there were various other thoughts running through his head at the time.  
  
He walked over to the bed and selected first the undergarments, pulling them up Merry's legs until they were in place, and trying desperately not to stare at Merry's rather large "pride and joy."  
  
He slowly put on each item of clothing, restraining himself from touching Merry any more than he must, while Merry stood there with a smugly satisfied look on his face as he basked in the feeling of Pip's hands gliding over his body.  
  
Finally the task was completed, and both hobbits tried unsuccessfully to hide their excitement.  
  
Merry gazed at Pippin amusedly, his eyes travelling down the length of his body and finally resting on the bulge in his pants. He grinned deviously, loving the angry yet needy glare Pippin was blessing him with.  
  
He looked down at his own clothes. "Very well boy. Now draw me a bath."  
  
Pippin's mouth dropped open, disbelieving.  
  
"You heard me. Right now, there's a lad," Merry said, watching Pippin walk to the adjoining bathroom, studying each and every move all the parts of his body made. "And darling, don't forget bubbles."  
  
Once the bath was drawn and ready, Pippin came out to find a still clothed Merry standing in the exact same spot he had before.  
  
"Do not tell me you now expect that I'm going to undress you."  
  
"I most certainly do," said Merry with humorous indignation.  
  
And so Pippin reversed the task, trying to control himself and ignore the increasing pressure in his breeches at the sight of Merry naked once more.  
  
Merry looked down at his naked self, then at the starry-eyed, open-mouthed, all around dazed look on Pippin's face with a grin. He strolled into the bathroom and to the tub.  
  
"Come Pippin, come here," he said, slowly slipping into the steaming tub filled with sweet-smelling foam and cocking an eyebrow at Pippin.  
  
"Would you care to join me?"  
  
Pippin gritted his teeth and bit his lip, anxiously playing with a loose thread in his pocket.  
  
"I would rather not sir."  
  
Merry smirked at the young Took, all the more pleased with the challenge.  
  
"Very well, he said with a pleasant smile. "Go find that nice serving girl who keeps helping you around. I'm sure she can find something for you to do."  
  
Merry listened to the retreating footsteps of the numbly dazed tween and sank deeper into the water.  
  
'Meriadoc Brandybuck, you are horrible,' a voice we know as conscience spoke. But naturally Merry managed to turn it around.  
  
"Horribly charming you mean," he said aloud to the empty room.  
  
-AKA, March 16th 2oo3 


	6. Have I Seen You Before?

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: M/P Slash "The minute I took in the paleness and confusion on his face I knew: the snake had struck." -Rose Cotton (not as you know her), January 6th, 1419  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, i.e. guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid...  
  
Archiving: Um... I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned LotR... Perhaps then I could use my amazing influence to stop people from blowing other people up, though I doubt it... Oh well in any case, I don't own LotR.  
  
Rating: PG 13?  
  
Chapter: 5/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Thank you for talking to me. And thank you for not suing me or murdering me... so far. The quote is about Rosie and Frodo. I know it doesn't make sense at the moment, but I have an extremely complicated storylien in my head and it's gonna take a while to come out. Be patient.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"*R*I want for you to hold me like your boyfriend does... ... I want to be the object of your passions but I know it's hopeless." -t.A.T.u, 'Malchik Gay'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I was washing the dishes when I heard footsteps on the wood floor behind me.  
  
I had thought it would be Frodo, perhaps returning to apologise for leaving me at Mr. Merry's request last night, but it was just the boy Mr. Merry had hired the day before.  
  
I couldn't figure out why he had come, but the minute I took in the paleness and confusion on his face I knew: the snake had struck.  
  
"Oh sweetie, what has he done to you hun," I said, rushing over to him, sitting him down and starting some tea; he was sure to need comfort.  
  
"He... he made me dress him... does he do that to everyone?"  
  
I blushed, remembering that was exactly how Frodo had introduced himself to me the first time I had worked for Mr. Merry, although I had given in, and by the looks of it, this boy had a much stronger will than I.  
  
I checked to assure myself that the water was not boiling yet, then went back to face the boy, who was watching my every move intently.  
  
"I say," he whispered, "my eyes feel as though they have rested on you before yesterday."  
  
I blinked, not telling him that I had felt the same way, an unspoken connection with him somehow. I shook my head a replied. "we must have seen each other somewhere around the Shire I suppose."  
  
"Yes," he said softly, "I suppose we must."  
  
"Well in any case," I said, brightening my tone and bringing the kettle over to him, pouring a mug of fragrant black-current tea for him. "If that's all he's done to you on your first day so far, I'd say you've gotten off easy."  
  
"But that wasn't all! Afterwards he bade me to run him a bath, then had my UNDRESS him, and then he INVITED me to bathe with him!"  
  
My mouth dropped open, not out of shock from his story (I still say he was lucky), but because Mr. Merry was standing in the doorway, leaning to one side with a smirk on his face, and I've worried since how much he had heard.  
  
He had a deep forest green robe on, done up loosely so the upper half of his body was still quite exposed.  
  
"And I saw with my own eyes that you seemed to be enjoying it quite a bit."  
  
The boy whipped around in his seat, staring at Mr. Merry and looking as shocked as I had felt.  
  
He stuttered pathetically, fearing I suppose that Mr. Merry would fire him on the spot (though he seems to be enjoying himself to much to do that just yet), until Mr. Merry spoke again.  
  
"And now I've got another surprise for you my lad." He turned away and motioned for the boy to follow him, which he did as a young puppy follows its mother. I do so hope I don't follow Frodo about like that...  
  
Who am I trying to fool? Of course I do... other than in legal rights Frodo owns me... My heart, my mind, my soul...  
  
I regret to say that once again I forgot to ask the boy's name.  
  
And now I sit here, wondering, worrying, and waiting for Mrs. Estella's return... there will be fireworks between the couple, and they will not be pleasant ones at that.  
  
-RC, January 6th 1419 


	7. Pippin's Surprise Merry POV

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: "He looked around in awe, mouth agape, and most likely wondering why I was showing him this." -Meriadoc Brandybuck, January 6th 1419  
  
Warning: Not very cheerful, but hell, ya know you love it... Slash, i.e. guy on guy shit, so uhhh, don't like it, just don't read it. Because if you send me flames, I will set my rabid radioactive hamsters on you. Be afraid... be kind of a little bit teeny weeny afraid...  
  
Archiving: Um... I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned LotR, I would have my own freaking computer and a connection other than dialup, and a DVD player in my room so I could be upstairs watching it and talking to my friends as I type on my bed, instead of being downstairs in this disturbingly bright room, wondering if I'll actually be able to post this by noon.  
  
Rating: PG 13?  
  
Chapter: 6/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Well you know what? I can't think of anything in this chapter particularly perplexing which I need to explain just yet, so instead I thought I would say that this morning I washed my hair, and it smells yummy and is squeaky-clean now. Except my cat Harry fell into the tub while trying to get a drink, so I feel quite sorry for him now. And PLUS I had to restart my stupid computer TWICE already this morning, so if this gets posted late. not my fault.  
  
*********  
  
"*P--M* Remember when there was nothing else to do but lie in bed and wonder how it was always up to you, and no one else?" -Sum 41, 'Heart Attack'  
  
**********  
  
The look on his face was amazing.  
  
Dazed lads are so wonderful to behold.  
  
I led him back down the halls and a mite past my bedchamber to the next entrance down, pushing open an intricately carved door to reveal a bright room in light shades of green, blue and cream. In the middle of it all was a gorgeously large circular bed, white with mountains of soft pillows, thick quilts and silk sheets, protected by sheer white curtains... All white, pure, and glowing with unspoilt beauty, for a boy who seemed at times so pure, and was certainly lovely.  
  
He looked around in awe, mouth agape, and most likely wondering why I was showing him this.  
  
"This is yours," I said, unblinking, not wanting to miss a moment of his being.  
  
His mouth dropped even wider, his eyes gigantic green orbs pulling me in, his expression one of joy, despair, dependence, rebellion, mistrust, and love all at once, clashing and mingling into the cacophony that is... him.  
  
"What is your name, dear boy," I said, softly taking his chin in my fingers and tilting it so he faced me.  
  
"P-Peregrin Took," he stuttered, adorably stumbling and crashing over the words. "But some call me Pippin."  
  
"Pippin... Pip... My dear, lovely Pip..." I pulled his face closer to mine, closing my eyes and readily anticipating the feel of his lips upon mine, when suddenly:  
  
"MERIADOC!" The shriek rattled through the house, reverberating through my ears, my bones, my essence as I heard her slam the door behind her as she stormed into the house.  
  
Estella had returned.  
  
-MB, January 6th 1419 


	8. Estella's Home

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Illustrations: I currently have one illustration for this, drawn by the very talented, very funny, and rather insane Emma, and you can find it at . Join. Why? Because you want to, as it is fun, and the people are insane there. But in a nice way. Not in that whole scary "Hello I am a hairy man named Phil, I live in my mother's basement and rape young children" way, more in a "Hee hee hee, gay incest hobbit porn, woot woot!" way. Yes.  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: "His eyes, normally so hard to read were suddenly projecting two simple emotions plain to see: dread... and fear. Fear for himself... or for me, I still do not know." -Peregrin Took, January 6th 1419  
  
Warning: This is slash. Men having sex. Homophobe? Then go away.  
  
Archiving: Um... I have no idea what that is...  
  
Disclaimer: To own LotR, gee wouldn't that be grand. Unfourtunately I don't, so read my story and say you like it, cos that will slightly make up for my not-owning LotR.  
  
Rating: PG 13?  
  
Chapter: 7/?  
  
Pairing: Merry/Pippin  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: For this chapter's quote, it's not so much what the lyrics are as the sort of happy-go-lucky, in ecstasy feeling M&P are going through right now. And uhhh yeah. Thanks for reviewing. Keep reviewing and I'll write a new chapter for tomorrow. well I probably will anyways but that isn't the point. Grawr. AND you guys, I have come up with an idea! For those who like happy endings, and can't stand character death, as your point of view has recently been brought to my attention, for the very last chapter, whichever chapter that may be, I'm going to do a happy ending, and a sad ending. So if you can't stand character death and sad endings, then you can read this anyways, because I'll be ending it insanely happy, and then I'll have an insanely tragic ending as well, so read whichever you want (or both!) So have fun guys, you can read it without fear of a tragic ending.  
  
A/N2: I'm ripping off Emma for this chapter, I promise I will never do it again unless she says I can, but I just had to do it for this chapter, because I'm really obsessed with two words right now and I had to use them, okay? Merry is smitten Pippin is enamoured And Estella? Estella is pissed.  
  
******  
  
"I met her Sunday, that was yesterday. The girl I knew from 1990. Her eyes are hazel, her name is Mable. I kissed her once and now I'm able to walk the mile, crack a smile." -Goldfinger, 'Mable'  
  
******  
  
... My mind was racing and yet frozen, both at once.  
  
Why was he doing this? What was his purpose? Could I love him- no no no, I knew that, of course I could love him but... could I trust him? So many thoughts, questions, and exclamations coming together in the puddle of my mind.  
  
It's so strange. I've never been so confused in my life. It's all so strange.  
  
Only yesterday I was living in the uppermost beams of an abandoned barn, sleeping on the rotting hay with the few possessions too dear to me to part with in exchange for food, and suddenly I was offered the chance to live in a beautiful large room at no cost... and he was moving to kiss me.  
  
All of a sudden he abruptly dropped his hold of my face and pulled away jerkily, a second before our lips touched. I looked at his face and saw his skin pale as the other hobbit's face yesterday, his expression drained, and his eyes, normally so hard to read were suddenly projecting two simple emotions plain to see: dread... and fear. Fear for himself... or for me, I still do not know.  
  
Suddenly the rest of my senses came rushing back just in time for me to hear rushed footsteps, enraged screaming, a firm hand digging claws into my shoulder and spinning me around to see a hobbit lass more angry then I had ever beheld someone previously in my life.  
  
I managed to take in the fact that she was just barely shorter than me before I felt the white-hot pain of her palm engrave itself on my cheek, sending fireworks through my mind and knocking me against the wall.  
  
-PT, January 6th 1419 


	9. I Wish That You Would Kill Me

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
Frodo's slutty  
  
Merry's crazy Estella's bleeding  
  
Illustrations: I currently have one illustration for this, drawn by the very talented, very funny, and rather insane Emma, and you can find it at . Join. Why? Because you want to, as it is fun, and the people are insane there. But in a nice way. Not in that whole scary "Hello I am a hairy man named Phil, I live in my mother's basement and rape young children" way, more in a "Hee hee hee, gay incest hobbit porn, woot woot!" way. Yes.  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: "(Merry slammed) my face violently down onto a nearby dresser, splitting my lip, and blackening my eye, and when he pulled me up by my hair I felt a river of blood streaming from my nose." -Estella Bolger, January 6th 1419  
  
Warning: This is slash. Men having sex. Homophobe? Then go away.  
  
Archiving: Ask first  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. I have run out of funny ways to say it. *tear*  
  
Rating: Hmm, this is pretty violent, but I'm sticking with guessing PG-13, considering the movies that are PG-13 nowadays.  
  
Chapter: 8/?  
  
Pairing: Mainly Merry/Pippin, some Merry/Frodo, Merry/Estella, and Merry/various other people scattered about.  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: This chapter's quote is long, I know. Um, the quote is basically about Merry and Estella's relationship, and it's from her point of view. Some people were getting to hate Estella too much, but I'm not making Estella evil in this dammit, she's abused. So I figured I should do a chap from her P.O.V, perhaps you guys will be slightly more sympathetic now? I hope so. And by the way, a bit of a basis for Estella's character in this, if you've ever seen Divine Secrets Of The YaYa Sisterhood, Vivi's mom is sort of, but um yeah, Estella has some really good reasons.  
  
********  
  
"Fly off the handle once again & now it's too late. I hear the door slam shut you're gone and now it's so late. I can still feel the sting of your hand across my face. Again the last thing that I wanted was to hurt you. Still I'm sitting alone again. I feel I'm writing the same thing again. And if I want to I can just shut up. Now I know that I've got nothing to prove to you. And still I'm fighting 'cos there's something to prove too. I hear your car drive in the lot it's three this morning. I don't know how to feel or what to say how should I act? Where have you been what could I do you're drunk I'm sorry. Then we lay down I feel so numb, I wish you'd kill me." -Goldfinger, 'Nothing To Prove'  
  
*********  
  
I had been over visiting with Peony, Fatty's latest conquest, when a knock on the door interrupted our tea.  
  
Peony excused herself to answer it and when she returned she had with her none other then Frodo Baggins, resident whore.  
  
I know I really shouldn't say such things, but it is in fact the depressing truth.  
  
Any hobbit, boy or girl, who looks into those eyes and decides they want a bit of a treat need only say they love him and run off an inane list of sweet nothings into his ears and he'll gladly jump in bed with them, causing those who truly love him to only get hurt.  
  
He looked me over, cruel eyes gazing through my dress it felt, and I have no doubt that what he said next was solely for his own benefit, I'll never trust him again after... No, no I won't write it- if I don't write it it didn't happen...  
  
"Mrs. Estella," he says to me, unholy lips which have caressed the body of half the Shire forming the words with a condescending mock-respect, "Merry has gotten himself a new toy."  
  
I cared not whether it was for his benefit or mine, that was all I needed to hear.  
  
I quickly dismissed myself from Peony, begging forgiveness for leaving early, and got into the carriage, riding home with bitter thoughts of all Meriadoc's other "toys" running through my head while Frodo sat beside me, glowing with a sickening self-satisfaction.  
  
Myrtle and Minto Burrows, brother-sister twins with deep scarlet hair and crystal sparkling midnight blue eyes, that must have been the ones five years ago... The year afterwards was that spoilt Mirabella brat, all with light blonde hair like threads of snow glimmering in winter sunlight and emerald green eyes surrounded by unnaturally long, thick eyelashes. After that he behaved relatively well for almost a year, and then he started spending "quality time" with Mr. Baggins... And until last month he had a dark-haired, olive-skinned man servant, not even a tween, and he never spoke a word to either of his other than in his own tongue, and to this day I have no idea what his name was, and even if Merry knew at one point he has probably forgotten already.  
  
I sat there in the darkened carriage, angry thoughts poisoning each breath I took, until finally a few rough jolts and a sudden cease of movement told me we were home.  
  
I bunched up my skirts in my hands, pushing the carriage door open and stepping out as quickly as I could, storming through the gate and to the doorway, Frodo right behind me.  
  
I turned the corner, rushing down the hall and catching sight of Meriadoc pulling away from a slim lad barely taller than I.  
  
I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face me, catching sight of sparkling bright green eyes before slapping him for what he had surely already done with my husband and grinning at the bright red imprint on his cheek before Meriadoc made his move.  
  
He grabbed my arm and twisted me around, painfully popping my shoulder and digging his fingers into the soft underside of my wrist before slamming my face violently down onto a nearby dresser, splitting my lip and blackening my eye, and when he pulled me back up by my hair I felt a river of blood streaming from my nose.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU WORTHLESS LEECH OF A WOMAN," he screamed into my face before dropping me to the floor nd going to comfort his little slut.  
  
Seeing I was defeated once again the fire drained out of me and I let myself be helped up by the Cotton girl, who must have come at all the noise, and taken to be cleaned up.  
  
I lay here on mine and Meriadoc's bed, wondering what he's doing with the boy, and asking myself where I went wrong.  
  
Oh why Merry, my dear Merry, why do you treat me so when all I ever wanted was to be permitted to love you and have you love me in return?  
  
I thought he loved me. He told me so many times each day and night before we were wed how he loved me, and thought me the most beautiful creature to walk the earth...  
  
But the moment he discovered I was to have a child, the very second, it all stopped.  
  
He didn't even cry when I lost the child.  
  
Didn't even blink.  
  
-EB, January 6th 1419 


	10. Butterfly

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
Frodo's A Bitch (sorry Frodo lovers)  
  
Merry's Not All There Estella's Paying Up For Pain She Didn't Cause Pippin's Confused  
  
Illustrations: I currently have one illustration for this, drawn by the very talented, very funny, and rather insane Emma, and you can find it at . Join. Why? Because you want to, as it is fun, and the people are insane there. But in a nice way. Not in that whole scary "Hello I am a hairy man named Phil, I live in my mother's basement and rape young children" way, more in a "Hee hee hee, gay incest hobbit porn, woot woot!" way. Yes.  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: "Filled with sudden blinding rage, I took the butterfly in my hand and crushed it, laughing with grim amusement as I felt its innards spill and cover my palm." -Meriadoc Brandybuck, January 6th 1419  
  
Warning: Merry being really psychotic, slight violence, slash, and well just lots of crazy evil Merry  
  
Archiving: Ask first  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned LotR, then trust me you would know.  
  
Rating: R for disturbing content  
  
Chapter: 9/?  
  
Pairing: Main pairings: Merry/Pippin, Merry/Estella, Frodo/Sam (in later chaps, sorry), Frodo/"Rosie"  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Sorry this took so long, lots of homework (ick), and working on two other fics, not to mention homework. And oh yeah, did I mention homework? *glares in general assumed direction of school* But the point is, I wrote two chapters today, which makes up for it, bwaha. Also, if anybody is craving really angsty/depressing, yet poetic music, I strongly suggest buying AFI, 'Sing The Sorrow' because it is absolutely beautiful. One of the lines is "There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty." Need I say more? Absolutely amazing lyricist. And good songs as well, so yes, go buy it.  
  
A/N2: Two very long quotes, but they're disturbed and depressing and poetic, like Merry's mood in this chap. So get over your fear of long paragraphs, and READ THEM!  
  
**********  
  
"I cannot leave here I cannot stay. Forever haunted, more than afraid. Asphyxiate on words I would say. I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue. There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak. I'd share with you could I only speak just how much this hurts me. I cannot stay here I cannot leave. Just like all I loved, I'm make- believe. Imagined heart, I disappear. Seems no one will appear here and make me real. There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak, I'd share with you could I only speak just how much this hurts me. I'd tell you that it haunts me (cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams), you don't care that it haunts me. There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak. I'd share with you could I only speak just how much this hurts me. Just how much this hurts me. Just how much you..." -AFI, 'This Time Imperfect'  
  
***********  
  
"We held hands on the last night on earth. Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner." The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of shards that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realise that my ticket wasn't good for two. I rode alone. You said "The cinders are falling like snow." There is poetry in despair and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. Of blue and grey. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message." -AFI  
  
******  
  
I'm warning you one last time, at least read the second quote as it is the most beautiful thing I have ever read in my life.  
  
*******  
  
I faintly registered the sounds of her retreating stumbling, more concerned with the small trickle of blood Pippin was coughing up.  
  
Someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned around to see Frodo, pleased as if we had spent all night sharing the same bed without a wink of sleep.  
  
Suddenly it occurred to me why Estella had come home a day early.  
  
"You conniving little harlot," I took a step forward clenching my fists, ready to re-arrange his features in new, exciting ways.  
  
He paled (I had previously thought that barely possible for him), and backed against the dresser, accidentally sticking his hand into a pool of Estella's blood while trying to distance himself from my anger.  
  
"How could you do this to him," I hissed through my teeth clamped together in an attempt to bridle my rage.  
  
He gave no answer and the fear on his face disgusted me, pushing me fully over the edge.  
  
I slammed one of my white-knuckled fists clamped tight into his face. With the weight of my body behind it. He was suddenly standing straight on the dresser, his body momentarily spread out and splayed across the wall with the force of the blow. He slumped down, sitting with his head on his knees for what seemed like hours, although it could not have been more than a split second, my time was surreal, flowing, slow-motion as I horrifiedly watched the results of my anger, once again hurting those around me, I looked back at Pippin, terrified of what I might do to him if he ever crossed me. I stared for a few seconds at his terrified green eyes, wide as any animal's about to be slayed, as he gazed in horror at Frodo's seemingly broken body.  
  
I looked back at Frodo, who was watching me warily, and he winced when me gaze was returned to him once more. He whimpered, mumbling softly something about him being sorry, and he stalked off, almost tripping over his own feet. The image of his scared face, right eye already beginning to blacken, remained branded in my mind, burning further away at the broken web of my sanity.  
  
I stared after him for a brief eternity until I heard Pippin give a small whimper and I turned to him once more, getting down on my knees to caress his bruised face.  
  
"My poor dear Pip," I said, gently examining his bluish cheek, "you never asked for this fate that I have so cruelly thrust upon you..."  
  
He looked up at me, eyes flashing as that of a wounded beast tied down in captivity and I could not resist. I leaned forward and pressed my burning lips against his bruised ones, relishing the shaky, terrified way he gave into me, warily giving my tongue permission to explore his mouth, and shivering slightly when I pulled away.  
  
He sat, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and a contented half- smile on his face, before dreamily opening them and suddenly snapping back into attention, standing quickly and teetering from the rush of blood to his head the hurried movement had caused.  
  
He suddenly looked petrified.  
  
"I... I have to go... I'll. return tomorrow morning with my things..."  
  
He ran off back down the hall without saying another word and I sighed, forcing myself to organise my rushing thoughts.  
  
I couldn't possibly be falling in love with him, could I? No. No. There was NO SUCH THING AS... love... Mother told me that each day of my childhood, and I believe her.  
  
I wandered through the lonely passages of my abode, touching this and that in an attempt to get my mind off of the ever-mounting pains of my hunger for Pippin.  
  
Nothing in the house worked so I ran outside and all the way to the forests just outside of Hobbiton. I collapsed in an agonized ball of need against a tree, shaking with tears long held in as I released my emotions onto the rough bark which scratched my face.  
  
Once I began to calm again and I could see, I sadly watched a butterfly feeding off of a flower, and I saw how it sucked the living juices out of it, gaining from the flower'' life as mother gains from my despair and pain.  
  
Filled with sudden blinding rage, I took the butterfly in my hand and crushed it, laughing with grim amusement as I felt its innards spill and cover my palm.  
  
I walked back to the house, slowly in a dream (or was it nightmare?), the sun setting red as blood and spreading its anger over my soul, boiling my blood and whispering poisoning words of the darkness soon to come in my ear and it pierced my mind like a blade, and causing my anger to bloom like a rose soon to die.  
  
Finally I stood at my home's gate, and I unclenched my fist slowly to reveal I still had the butterfly's remains in my palm.  
  
I wiped it off on the wooden gate, grimacing slightly and opened the gate with only one thought in my mind: revenge.  
  
Estella would pay, she would pay dearly and relieve me of my pains for Pip while doing so.  
  
I strode purposefully through the halls until I stood outside the door to see Estella putting away a book and quill on the bedside table.  
  
She jumped slightly when she saw me and lay on her back in what I suppose she must have thought was an enticing matter.  
  
"Estella dear, turn over."  
  
Yes, I made her pay dearly, but still, still I hunger for him.  
  
-MB, Late Night January 6th 1419 


	11. Rape Me My Friend, Rape Me, Rape Me Agai...

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Merry's Disturbed Estella's the possessor of a tragic love for the very person who hurts her the most (next to herself that is)  
  
Illustrations: I currently have one illustration for this, drawn by the very talented, very funny, and rather insane Emma, and you can find it at . Join. Why? Because you want to, as it is fun, and the people are insane there. But in a nice way. Not in that whole scary "Hello I am a hairy man named Phil, I live in my mother's basement and rape young children" way, more in a "Hee hee hee, gay incest hobbit porn, woot woot!" way. Yes.  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: "The reason I cry? Still as I shed these tears of agony, still I love him." -Estella Brandybuck, January 7th 1419  
  
Warning: Rape, Het, slight violence  
  
Archiving: Ask first  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned LotR, then trust me you would know.  
  
Rating: R for rape  
  
Chapter: 10/?  
  
Pairing: Main pairings: Merry/Pippin, Merry/Estella, Frodo/Sam (in later chaps, sorry), Frodo/"Rosie"  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: I told you I made up for it, two chapters in one day, go me!  
  
*********  
  
"Your sins into me, oh my beautiful one." -AFI, 'Silver And Gold'  
  
********  
  
"Estella dear, turn over," he said with a disturbing, slightly mad edge to his voice.  
  
I did as I was told, it was never a smart idea to cross Merry when he was in one of his "moods."  
  
I lay there, trembling slightly as I heard him hurriedly undress. Would we make love then? Oh it had been so long, and if there's one thing I know in my deepest heart, it's that I could never cheat on dear Merry, no matter what he does.  
  
Suddenly I could feel him above and behind me, slowly lifting up my nightdress and exposing my bare bottom, which he thoughtfully ran a hand across.  
  
"Merry, are we finally going to make love once mo-" I was cut off by the sudden pain of his girth ramming up into me as if we were two male hobbits.  
  
"Mer- no- wha-" I stuttered, gasping for breath as the pain of my insides seemingly being ripped and torn into shreds choked the air out of me.  
  
"Pip," he grunted, suddenly roughly fondling my breasts as well, but stopping as if he hated what he found there.  
  
His burning hot hands moved down, down to my stomach and once again he removed his hands and muttered, "Too fat, Pip isn't so soft..."  
  
I began to cry at this, suddenly realising what he was doing.  
  
He smacked me on the head to quiet my sobs, and finally settled for clutching the sheets at either side of him and touching me only where he pounded into me, and I was left to cling desperately at the pillows in agony, with too little breath to continue my tears.  
  
Finally he came, and having had his way he realised me, and I lay in a state of half-consciousness for a slight while, hearing the scratch of quill on paper and then finally he slept.  
  
I watched his form laying there and noticed he had either not noticed, or (more likely), not cared that he was still covered in my blood.  
  
I slowly pulled myself up to my spot and collapsed there, trying not to move the lower half of my body.  
  
And now as I lay beside the man I married I cry, taking no heed of who might hear me.  
  
The reason I cry?  
  
The man I married raped me while thinking of his lover, and still as I shed these tears of agony, still I love him.  
  
-EB, The Early Hours Of January 7th, 1419 


	12. Soft Hair And A Velvet Tongue I Wanna Gi...

"Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great)  
  
Pippin's Reminiscent Of A Boy By The Rose Bush, and the Sister He Never Knew.  
  
Illustrations: I currently have two illustrations for this, drawn by the very talented, very funny, and rather insane Emma, and you can find it at . Join. Why? Because you want to, as it is fun, and the people are insane there. But in a nice way. Not in that whole scary "Hello I am a hairy man named Phil, I live in my mother's basement and rape young children" way, more in a "Hee hee hee, gay incest hobbit porn, woot woot!" way. Yes.  
  
Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: "I have kept it since, vainly hoping that one day I would see him once again, because I know of all hobbits he would love me, and understand me. A silly, hopeless fancy, but one I cling onto nonethless." -Peregrin Took, January 7th 1419  
  
Warning: No warnings for now! Kind of a bit of a wistful sadness to Pip in this chap but eh, nothing much.  
  
Archiving: Ask first  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned LotR, I probably wouldn't be obsessed with LotR fan fics, now would I?  
  
Rating: Eh, PG-13, light reading folks.  
  
Chapter: 11/?  
  
Pairing: Main pairings: Merry/Pippin, Merry/Estella, Frodo/Sam (in later chaps, sorry), Frodo/"Rosie"  
  
Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser.  
  
Category: Romance/angst/tragedy  
  
A/N: Thank you to the following people, who have given me reviews I saved because I'm a pathetic loser who needs constant reassurances. Roz (I'm possibly making a sequel to Raindrops. Possibly. The great goddess of porny goodness reviews me. *faints*) Emma ( I WILL tell hobbit chick to catch pneumonia in the rain and DIE!) Aruraya (who gives well written, constant reviews. That makes me happy) Lalaith-Weasley (Man you always review, you RAWK!) Shae (Love the review! Hooray for long reviews where you suck up to me! *eats the cookie*) Jelena (Thankies for the nice comments, *giggles and claps for the long review*) Anna (Dude, you made a "Pooki Rocks" dance, what more can I say?) Valerie Sue Sammy-Mackie Jaime (WE WILL MAKE AN ICE CREAM SHOP DAMMIT! WITH PIPPIN SUNDAES GALORE!!!!!!!) Sarah (write at school again! Now! NownownownownownowNOW!) Ada (You named me Pook-Ster-Munchkins, for that I am forever in your debt) Niphrandl (Man you are EVIL! You really dun like Estella do you?) Andy (*scratches her nose*) "little one" (*giggle* I put Merry in a believable dark light, go me!) "mother2012" "*~*Sarah*~*" Layla (*giggle* I'm in her collection) Dimond Took (has not reviewed since March 27th, and used to review a lot. () Danielle Baggins (I'm sorry I made your baby a whore) VercisIsolde (now now, if Estella was smart enough to divorce Mer, I'd run out of story to type!) "LOTR Sparkling Pippin" (Thankies for reading and reviewing even though you don't like slash much) Iorhael Paula Kyro (You write very strange review. For this I applaud you) Patronesse B. (Has not reviewed since Marcg 13th *tear* this saddens me) Pointy Eared Archer(Has not reviewed since March 13th, no more "good fic updated" dance? () Emy (hasn't reviewed since March 11th () Lady Idril (hasn't reviewed since Say, and was one of my fave reviewerd. *cries her eyes out*) LadyOfTheRings (not since Say *sob*) Marauder (not since Say () Brenda That's right, review me and you get your name put in my author's note, what a prize. Now review me, and then I'll feel like writing another chapter, okay? And plus, wouldn't it be GREAT if you gusy reviewed my other stories too? (Memories, Raindrops, Say. Womp Glomp the Butterbees Fly)  
  
*********  
  
"Dead leaves and the dirty ground when I know you're not around. Shiny tops and soda pops when I hear your lips make a sound. Thirty notes in the mailbox will tell you that I'm coming home. And I think I'm gonna stick around for a while so you're not alone. If you can hear a piano fall you can hear me coming down the hall. If I could just hear your voice I don't think I need to see at all. Soft hair and a velvet tongue I want to give you what you give to me. I didn't feel so bad till the sun went down. Then I come home, no one to wrap my arms around." -The White Stripes, 'Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground'  
  
********  
  
My arm throbs with the strain of making feeble attempts at describing my feelings, I've wasted 8 pages on it already. But now sunrise is but an hour away, and I am rushed to finish my writing for the night, so now I give a brief account of happenings during my last night sleeping in this musty, airless barn.  
  
When I first came back from Merry's, collapsing on the rotten pile of hay and hardly registering its putrid stench, my mind was soaring, caressing the velvet clouds and entwining itself in their depths.  
  
But when the full blackness of night encompassed me I realised I should have been preparing to leave.  
  
There was no problem with how to transport my belongings I only had one outfit, and the rest of my things were in a trunk hidden underneath the filth of the barn,  
  
I looked in the trunk, carefully sorting through my scarce belongings.  
  
There was of course this journal, and two old ones, along with six quills and the ink I use to write with now.  
  
Then an old blanket which I dare not use except for on the coldest of nights, fearing it would come apart if I used it anymore often. Threadbare and faded it was, with a pale, intricately embroidered pattern etched deep in the essence of the material. It had been one of two things my parents had left with me when they abandoned me.  
  
Next was a pressed, wilted rose, the only thing ever given to me with pure intentions since I was born I believe. I had been walking through a small, barely inhabited area beside the Brandywine when I was naught but 4 years old when I ran into a hobbit lad a few years my senior, whose face I cannot fully recall no matter how hard or how often I try. Sitting, staring at a rose bush he was, and he had most likely been asked to clip a bouquet to be the centerpiece at some fancy family dinner by his mom, judging by the basket and shears beside him.  
  
I do remember one thing about his face though. His right cheek was badly bruised, and his lip was slightly swollen and cut on the bottom right.  
  
He looked at me with wounded, friendly eyes (and their color escapes my memory), and picked out the most lush, red rose in the bush and cut it, clipping off the thorns before handing it to me.  
  
Suddenly I heard a harsh call and ran off home, turning back once to see a stern-looking elderly hobbit lass grabbing the boy by the ear and shrieking furiously at him.  
  
The minute I got home I pressed it underneath my bed, and I have kept it since, vainly hoping that one day I would see him once again, because I know that of all hobbits he would love me, and understand me.  
  
A silly, hopeless fancy, but one I cling onto nonethless.  
  
Also, a faded portrait of me as a newborn and a hobbit lass of perhaps 15 holding me in her arms. It was a painting of me and my sister, Pearl; the other thing my mother had left with me. Unfortunately my parents left no message of what became of Pearl, so I assume she died an untimely death.  
  
I would write the other things in my trunk, but alas, the sun rises and I must be off.  
  
-PT, January 7th 1419 


	13. I feel so cheap, so used, unfaithful Let...

Here it is as I wrote it a few months ago, just hours before I decided to quit fan fiction, and well I'm back so HA! "Confessions" by A.K.A (Pooki Ze Great) Rosie's content, Frodo's stirring up trouble, Pippin's naïve, and Merry is pissed. Illustrations: I currently have two illustrations for this, drawn by the very talented, very funny, and rather insane Emma, and you can find it at . Join. Why? Because you want to, as it is fun, and the people are insane there. But in a nice way. Not in that whole scary "Hello I am a hairy man named Phil, I live in my mother's basement and rape young children" way, more in a "Hee hee hee, gay incest hobbit porn, woot woot!" way. Yes. Email: obsessive_creature@hotmail.com Summary: "Frodo, still bruised by Merry's outburst, smiled at me and walked over, giving me a hug and a lingering kiss on the cheek, Sam doing the same. Me and Sam, we had always sort of stuck together through Frodo's... "moods."" -Rosie Cotton, January 7th 1419 Warning: None Archiving: Ask first Disclaimer: It's all Tolkien's. *pout* Rating: PG for slash (but you probably noticed it's slash didn't you?) Chapter: 12/? Pairing: Main pairings: Merry/Pippin, Merry/Estella, Frodo/Sam (in later chaps, sorry), Frodo/"Rosie" Feedback: Please yes, I save it all and print it off and then feel like slightly less of a loser. Category: Romance/angst/tragedy A/N: Thank you to the following people for reviewing my stories since the last chapter of Confessions: Lady Celebrian {Scars} Natta {Scars} {Love Bites} HMP {Scars}  
  
Valerie {Scars} Jaime (yes Frodo and Merry certainly are mean. {review for Scars}) (Well to be honest I'm feeding my own chest fetish too... {Peregrin's Lesson}) (*pat pat* {Confessions})  
  
Sarah (*bites you* {Scars}) (again, *bites you* {Peregrin's Lesson}) Alexis (Thank you for making me start my damned writing again... if you hadn't given me ideas for Scars I wouldn't've been in the mood to write this right now, even though this chapter SUCKS anyways... {Scars}) {Peregrin's Lesson} Emma (I wrote another Confessions chapter. And it sucks. Happy? {Scars}) (Oi when will you understand? I WANT Merry to come to my door... no matter how corrupted. Grawr. {Peregrin's Lesson}) (NOT OLD AND DECREPIT, UNDERSTOOD? {Pintripe Suit}) (*giggle* I gave her her first b-day present. *proud smile* {Love Bites}) {Confessions}  
  
Aruraya (Oh you silly girl he's going to Merry's... Why did everyone assume he was running away? WHY WHY WHY? Ps: I still love you all anyways. Please review!!!{Confessions})  
  
Roz {Peregrin's Lesson} {Pinstripe Suit} {Confessions}  
  
Niphrandl (It's not flour. *pointed look and a grin at Jaime & Ada* {Peregrin's Lesson})  
  
Caitlin (Of course I'm cheeky! It took you THAT long to notice?!? {Peregrin's Lesson}) Aldea (Yeah? WHERE'S MY PICTURES?!? *cough* I mean, thank you for the review. *pleasant smile* [jk] {Peregrin's Lesson}) (THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! {Pinstripe Suit}) Jelena (Yeah, Eglantine's Pippin's mom. GO READ THE BOOKS DAMN YOU! [jk] {Pinstripe Suit}) (*giggle* I rawked your socks again... *giggle* {Peregrin's Lesson}) (SUM 41 RAN THROUGH NAKED, WOOT WOOT! {Womp Glomp The Butterbees Fly}) (No, I have more stories, on Merry_Piplovers! GO READ, GO READ! {Love Bites}) (Lol, wow, you sound as delusional as me... Good job! {Raindrops}) (*giggle* I am not the greatest slash-writer on the planet... that's Roz's and Anemone's title. Silly girl. *pat pat* {Confessions})  
  
Lalaith-Weasley (*official expression* I vow never to stop writing. There you go. {Pinstripe Suit}) (Lol. Yes you do rawk. Heh. Wheeeeee... {Confessions}) Paula {Peregrin's Lesson} Little One {Confessions}  
  
Zephyr (Ooooooooooooh LONG REVIEW! *dances* Um how do I come up with this stuff? *sigh* Trust me... if you heard my life story... it'd make this one sound normal. And if you think I'VE made Merry evil but you can feel bad for him, check out 'Ring Around The Merry' by Emma (Aelfgifu I think on ff.net) Check it out. {Confessions})  
  
Emy (*giggle* She reviewed, she reviewed! *dances* Yes... I'm... 18... *shifty eyes* {Confessions}) Sammy-Mackie {Confessions}  
  
Kelly {Love Bites} Pointy Eared Archer (YES! Another reviewer won back! *hugs* Please keep feeding my ego... Please... *puppy dog eyes* {Confessions}) Gorgeous Peach (She thinks I'll be world-renowned *giggle* *happiness* But I tried emailing her and it wouldn't work *unhappiness* {Confessions}) A/N2: Okay that was a really long A/N. ANYWAYS, I'm sorry this chap sucks, I was planning on writing two tonight but if I stay up any later my mom's going to kill me. SO, if this seems like it's been a really really long time coming, well, I'm sorry. And for those of you who only read my stuff on ff.net, I have two stories I've written which I haven't posted on here called 'Scars' and 'Peregrin's Lesson', and they're at now go join. NOW! ***************************** "I feel so cheap, so used, unfaithful. Let's start over, let's start over. Sometimes I wish I was smart." -Box Car Racer, 'I Feel So' ****************************** ... "So how was your night, um..." I waited for him to tell me his name. Finally, I had remembered! "Pereg- Pippin. Pippin." "Pippin..." The name felt as though it should have some significance to me, and it still rather does. I was off in my head wondering why the name sounded so familiar when a knock came at the back door and Frodo and Sam walked in. Frodo, still bruised by Merry's outburst, smiled at me and walked over, giving me a hug and a lingering kiss on the cheek, Sam doing the same. Me and Sam, we had always sort of stuck together through Frodo's... "moods." We were all sitting around the kitchen counter, having a cup of tea and laughing over some of Pippin's "encounters" on his previous job. I had no idea that so many well-respected hobbits... well... you know... Well of course I knew Mr. Merry wasn't above it, and even Frodo, but still, it just seemed strange to think there were so many others. He had just finished telling us a story about a certain well-respected hobbit lad (whose name I won't put to paper for my own safety) when Merry walked in. Frodo had just given Pip a rather cheeky wink about a certain... part of the story and I suppose Mr. Merry caught it, and didn't seem all too happy about it either. "Pippin," he said coldly, "come with me. I have something for you."  
  
Oh dear, I hope we haven't gotten the dear boy into trouble... I also hope I figure out where on earth I've heard that bloody name before. -RC, January 7th 1419 REVIEW! GRRRAWR! -insecure me- 


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